Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
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You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
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I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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