Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
