don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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