the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
