We're like a lot better than the average bears
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
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if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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