from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
