so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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