Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The chlamydia really affected his face.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize