the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
