no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
