I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
