so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
