i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
