Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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