so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
