Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
