We won't sleep together?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
