I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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