I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
