Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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