the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
