My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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