I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher