you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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