D3 body, D1 cock
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i think my cat just said my name.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.