Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
