Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
