I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
