So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
