hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
