im having a threesome with these popsicles
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
where are my eyebrows?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
