The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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