apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
