i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
