I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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