I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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