the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
that may or may not have been my penis.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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