Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just pee around me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They have beer where we have blood.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize