I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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