I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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