Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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