i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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