just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
