Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
