So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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