I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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