i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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