Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
