Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
