I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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