why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
