You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I am morally bankrupt
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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