I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
