i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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