my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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