good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
