I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All I want is dick and wine.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
