really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
