and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
