I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
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I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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