I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
