I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is Oprah even human
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?