I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
