Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
