I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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